Pope Francis Declares Evolution and Big Bang Theory Are Real and God is Not 'a Magician with a Magic Wand'

• Fart bin Laden: “My fellow terrrorists (ahem) Americans, the pope has declared evolution as true. I have checked with the Vatican and confirmed that Godzilla and Ultraman are also real. I am arranging the fight between Godzilla and Ultraman. If you want tickets for the fight: Gimme all your money!”

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